Being a mother is every girls dream. Being a mother means you can care for something that you made. Being a mother means giving up your selfish acts and giving it to another. Being a mother means, you are slowly giving yourself for another to live. I dreamed about being a mother since I had my dolls in my room. I would read books to my dolls, take them on car rides and have them all buckled in the car. I was dedicated. I had a plan.I took all the classes I needed, learned from other mothers who gave me trusted advice. I worked hard to be a mother. Took child development classes and even helped in baby rooms to help me grow, I had a plan.
In 2015, I found out that I had cysts growing on my ovaries, meaning I never be able to have children. At least that is what the doctor told me. My hope of being a mother slowly crushed my heart. I thought about all the classes I took and the observations I did. The advice I was given and the private tutoring I did. I thought about how I was there for everyone’s child, but I would never be there for mine. My spirit was broken. I was lost for a few years after that.When I found out that my ex-husband did not want to have children with me. I knew I needed to do something with my life. I had to change my destiny.
After going through a divorce, I enlisted in the Air Force Reserves in 2019. I wanted to be there for the families now. My mission was to protect others. I knew I had to create a new destiny for me. Before going off to BMT (Basic Military Training) the military doctors did an x-ray on my ovaries before I headed off. I found out that my cysts had shrunk and were slowly disappearing. I also found out that I could have more than one baby, I might have twins! I could not believe it! I would be a mother. However, I did not have time to celebrate, I was focused on my goals ahead of me. I could not give that up. At this time, I meant my current husband (who is also in the Air Force) and he supported me every step of the way. He told me that his biggest dream was to be a father. I did not want to let him down. I began to get excited at becoming a mother. God had a plan for me. He just needed me to do other things before becoming the mother I needed to be.
After I was finished with all the steps to be in the Air Force, I found out that I was 3 weeks pregnant on February 22nd, right before the Coronavirus hit the United States on February 24th. Never in a million years did I dream about being pregnant during a virus. My anxiety went through the roof. I was not ready to tell the world I was expecting. I knew if I did, I would hear all the worries and I was worried enough. I was not ready for everyone to ask me all the questions, so I decided to write this blog, it is so much easier to share as one instead of everyone asking me.
Let me start at the beginning…
The pregnancy started out normal. The cheers and the excitement, my husband was nervous, but super excited. He looks at my tummy and says “You can do it baby! Keep working hard!” Having my first baby. If you asked me 10 years ago where would I be? My answer would not be pregnant with my first baby during a virus outbreak. I would not imagine it. I was beyond excited to become a mother, but I was also very scared. These feelings are normal I hear, but during a virus outbreak? I had to learn to take one day at a time and do not stress. I was more excited than nervous or scared. I knew I was ready to be mother. My unit at my military base checks up on me everyday to make sure I am still healthy! I have a great support system!
Since it was so early on during my pregnancy, I needed to be careful. Watch how many people I came in contact with and even where I went. I knew this point I could lose the baby. The term “miscarriage” kept coming to mind and I was not ready for that. My whole life I was told that I was unable to have babies due to cysts growing on my ovaries. I had one as big as a man’s fist and another as big as a penny. I was not ready to give that dream up again, so I held on for the ride. I watched what I did, what I ate and who I came in contact with. I started out by keeping my anxiety low and staying positive.
About week 4, is when I started feeling it. The nausea, the weight loss, missing my period and the restless nights. At first, I thought it was my body trying to adjust to normal foods instead of military food. My cooking was way different. I had slight anxiety and I felt tired all the time. If you know me, I am always on the move, always doing something. Everyday, my body got more heavy and I felt like a potato sack. I felt bloated, even though I didn’t look it. My spirit kept up though, I did not feel sad, nervous or scared. I felt ready…..ready to be a mother.My husband’s anxiety was high, he did not want me to catch the virus. I mean is this how husbands are suppose to feel? Here I was, happy and excited DURING A VIRUS OUTBREAK and husband was a nervous wreck. I thought I was going crazy.
Week 5, the nausea got intense and some nights I couldn’t sleep. My lower back was hurting and my abdominal was feeling tight. I started finding foods to keep my stomach at bay, pineapple, crackers, lemons and for some reason apples. My senses heightened, every smell got to me. I hated the taste of Avocodes. Even our doggy food bothered me. The nausea was coming off and on, I would eat and get sick or over heat. Everytime I ate any sort of meat, my body rejected it. My stomach was confusing me, imagine how my husband felt. I was at the toliet every night and every afternoon, my stomach was ruthless. I had nothing in my stomach, but it found something to whine about. Thank goodness I was NOT showing signs of the virus. Being a mother was my biggest dream and I knew I had to go through these steps to reach my goal. I mean, I made it through Basic Military Training right?
I watched on the news as more people were getting sick by the virus and I was unsure what to do. I knew that the hospitals were full of patients, I also knew I needed an appointment. I was fearing things that normally don’t bother me like, if I got it, would my baby get it? So many questions. I watched as my military base was slowly being filled with patients who had the virus. I had to be cautious about what I touched and ate. My supervisors at my military unit made sure I stayed healthy and at home. That is the best we could do right now.
Week 6, I started the week feeling nauseated and refusing to eat. My husband was as confused as I was. So, I tried lemons, the acid of the lemom broke down my upset stomach. I like foods I hardly liked before. Like mustard on my burgers. Things I normally don’t eat, I am eating. I crave things, but mostly apples and lemons. I just wanted this stage to be over. This week was a very rough week on me. I refuse to eat, I refuse to drink water. It was hard on me and my body. I guess this is normal right? I knew I had to do something about it.That is when I saw on the news that someone’s baby got the virus, because the mom had it when she was pregnant with the baby. Is the media scaring me? What would happen if I went to the hospital and I got it? So many unsure questions at this time.
Week 7 , the nausea is slightly better. My husband was sent home from his job due to the virus. It helped me alot, I was beginning to feel worse. The nausea was making me sleep all day and kept me awake all night. My nights grew restless at this point. I would wake up with my anxiety super high or my body was over heating. My husband brought home food that I have been craving and even helping around the house. The virus can sit in young people and they would not even know it. So, I have decided to stay home and keep my baby safe. Many pregnant woman are getting the virus and it is undetermined if their baby has it yet. That put my anxiety through the roof. As the hospitals refuse to test people for showing the slightest symptoms, they send them home without testing them. This makes me wonder if I will even get tested.
At the 2 month point, I am ready for this nausea to end. My spirit was so excited to meet this baby and hear the heart beat. My medical insurance was having a hard time kicking in with the virus. They had issued a “STAY-AT-HOME” order for families to stop the spread of the virus. So, I was going to do just that. I needed to keep my baby safe. As I setup my doctors appointment, I wonder how it will be. Will the doctors see me? Will I be isolated? So much uncertainty at this time. My momma always said ” There is never a good time to have a baby.” And of course she is right. We never expected to be pregnant during a virus outbreak.
As I entered my 3 month mark. Things are beginning to change. I find myself not wanting to get out of bed, going to bed earlier than normal. I get upset stomachs in the morning and in the evening. My husband claimed he heard the babies faint heartbeat, but I am sure it was mine. The virus is still lingering. Babies, teenagers, chefs, actors and parents have all died. I worry for my baby and my Health. I stay home as much as I can and keep myself busy. When will this end? There is never a good time to have baby, but all I want to do is hear my babies heartbeat, make sure the little guy/gal is hanging on.I have such a huge support system and that is what is keep me going. The hospitals are full. Texas is getting worse and worse, yet I am here eating my vegan chips and cheddar popcorn watching all the cute movies. My stomach seems to be getting better. As we approach Easter, my husband and prepare to share to the world that we are expecting!I wanted to share my whole journey with you , right now this blog is super long and part 2 is being written as we speak.
Wish us luck in this virus madness.